Wednesday, July 21, 2010

i'm toast. i skipped school again for the nth time. i know i got to stop doing this or else i'll regret it big time. but really, i'm totally bothered. i'm not sure what's the reason why i'm being like this. i mean, i do not have a problem whatsoever with anything, at all. i have this irritating feeling, though. this nagging feeling of being out of place. this desire for things sooo much different from what i am doing now.. i had this before. but the urge wasn't as strong as what i'm feeling now. or maybe, i'm just looking for a scapegoat for my laziness. i don't know. i don't even know why i'm saying all this. i just have this sudden desire to rant about everything. i am just totally doing this out of randomness. i just felt i have to let it all out and i'm typing like crazy without stopping to check some errors. i don't care i just have to say this or else i'll blow up (i doubt it..)!

i always think why do i have to become someone who can't express herself effectively? why do i always have to be the one to understand others. why am i a nice person? why can't i live life selfishly? why am i so EMO right now i even painted my nails black? why? i do not know. and i am sure i won't know the answer for a long time. yesterday, out of boredom, i skipped school and went to SM City. yes, i did. spent an hour at national bookstore looking for anything, mostly photography and arts & crafts books. then, i went to the cinemas to watch a movie but realized mama will come this saturday so i'll  just watch the movie together with her. that way, i'll save some money. but just as i decided to go home, i saw PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE store and went inside. guess what? i'm supposed to save a hundred pesos by skipping the movie BUT BUT BUT after some minutes, i went out of the store holding 2 papers bags. yes. the impulsive buyer once again invaded the mall. and out of the blue bought tw0 black shoes. "BUT they are soo yummy can't help but eat them" said the impulsive buyer/black-shoe addict. and eventually added, "i decided to stop thinking and just start doing. twas part of that practice as well. if i did not buy them, i'll regret it". oh well, i understand her. i just do. (Hopeless)

now, my story went up a higher level. from being an EMO to being IMPULSIVE. how's that? i may be the queen of randomness. i should change this site's name from "idiosyncratic memoirs of a self-confessed wannabe" to "idiosyncratic memoirs of a self-confessed implusive emo!". Ugh.. that just sounded sooo foul. yeah. maybe not. how about "draft diary of casual vanity"? sounds better, huh? or just plain "queen of randomness"...anyways, why am i talking about the title of my blog right now? i'm supposed to be ranting all my rage for a "i-dont-even-know-whats-wrong-with-my-life" entry! gaaasssh! i'm all happy earlier. now i'm all emo. bipolar much?

anyways, i'm tired. i'll stop this emo-ish and continue next time... i hope people i know won't read my blog or won't stumble upon this while surfing the net. aaahh. i hate it when they know everything about me. LOL. i'm crazy and changes mood every time. oh, i'm supposed to finish this entry already... fine. well. this has been a good time. thank you my blog. and well. i still thank God for everything. after all, HE has always been really good to me. Lord, i don't hate my life. i just have issues. You understand it, right? i know YOU do. you always have. THANK you very much. :D and please continue taking care of me even though i'm this stubborn. :)) thank you again. and again.

i am za5m. a 22-year old law student and self-proclaimed queen of randomness.
and this is another random idiosyncratic memoir of a self-confessed wannabe.
signing off#

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